I Remember It Like It Was Yesterday

It was tragic, it was life changing, it was earth shaking.  Those are just a few words to describe something that shakes up your world and changes who you are at your core.  However, those events don’t just go away from your memory. If anything, they stick there and hang out in your subconscious and cause havoc on your life, year after year after year.  These are called “history of events” in the therapeutic world, and they can play out in ways you couldn’t even imagine.

If you notice that someone you love continues to behave oddly or get physically ill around the same time each year, it may help for you to ask if something happened to them and when. This can help them pin point their own mental blocks and take new steps to hop over them into a more healthier mindset.  Hopefully, this will also help you have more patience with the ones you love and try to understand their mental breakdown with a more open heart.

Everyone can’t just “get over” stuff, and sometimes it can get down right irritating to figure out why someone is acting out a certain way or getting sick when there is environmentally no reason for it.  Sometimes you have to be a detective with the ones you love, and ask questions that aren’t so easy to ask.  Questions like, “I noticed that every year around this time you tend to get really sick and I wanted to know did something happen to you a few around this time in the past?”  That is a great way to show that you care and genuinely want to know what is triggering this person to go downhill.

Everything can’t be blamed on PMS or bad work days, sometimes it’s much bigger than that and if you care or love the people you are connected to, sometimes you just have to ask questions to understand them.

My weight loss journey

Once again, I have decided to become more conscious about what is going in my mouth and what is coming out of it.  I am talking about food and my own self talk.  I have battled with my weight since I was a teenager and after seeing my cousin for the first time in a year or so, her transformation inspired me to get my life.  Literally.

I have gone through so many changes in the past 6 months.  From eating clean, getting a trainer, finding out that I was gluten intolerant with an under-active thyroid and struggling to lose anything no matter how hard I tried.  Needless to say I was upset, angry, frustrated, sad and just felt defeated.  However, after seeing my cousin and how amazing she looked, I just had to find out what she did to lose her extra lbs and keep them off.

She told me about this “Lindora” Lean for Life diet or lifestyle.  Basically, she cut out the sugar in her life.  She is still sweet, but sugar is clearly not in her ingredient list.  So, today I am on day 2 of a strict protein only diet.  Limited carbs (under 80) and so far I have dropped two pounds.  Not bad.

I am being totally transparent about my transformation I am going through again, and I hope that I can help someone out there who needs it!

Authenticity 101

Being authentic is something that has really taken on a new level of importance in my life.  I see how one functions when they are truly authentic, and how one feels deprived, depressed, and anxious when they are not.  However, learning how to be authentic can be difficult for those who grew up feeling as if they were never enough or never appreciated for who they were and the natural gifts they’ve brought to the table.

However, being authentic takes work, it takes courage, and it takes a level of fearlessness that many of us just don’t have.  It takes work to show up and choose to honor your inner spirit and desires that help you push past those upper limit issues that sabotage so many of us.  It takes courage to be yourself, even when being yourself is unacceptable to some. It takes fearlessness, to say – I know that I may not be able to make everyone happy, but I know that I can’t live two or three or more lives just to please everyone.

You get multiple chances each day to show up in your Authentic Apparel, however many of us miss those opportunities out of fear that we are going to be rejected, laughed at, ridiculed, or judged.  But the funny thing is, those things are going to happen to you anyway, being authentic or not, you may just not be aware of them because you are so focused on pleasing someone else.

Being authentic, means that you are unapologetic about how you were made, and the experiences that make up who you are as an individual.  You may turn off other people, but thats ok – those aren’t the people you need to reach – let someone else reach them.  Being authentic means you don’t try to change others to fit in your box, as you have chosen not to fit neatly in others’ boxes.  It means to accept others as you accept yourself – and that is where things become sticky for some.

Sadly, accepting yourself can be interrupted by your parents, authority figures, and the media.  Accepting yourself can be interrupted by wishing you were someone else constantly. Accepting yourself can also mean that you accept you don’t know it all, are willing to grow and admit that you didn’t always know the best or right thing to do at the moment, but you were willing to learn and be flexible.

Accepting yourself teaches you how to accept others.  If you have ever wanted someone to change so badly, that it made you want to pull you hair out, you may need to examine the level of acceptance you have for yourself.  It is easy to want others to change when you have changed yourself for others too often.  It is easy to question why they haven’t changed for you, when you have spent too many minutes of your own life bending over and changing for them.  However, questioning why someone won’t change and wishing they could be someone different not only can cause you an unnecessary amount of grief and frustration, but it takes energy from your own acceptance and transformation.

A simple lesson in Authenticity is this, if you can love yourself enough to love someone else, you can love yourself enough not to change someone else.  This is easy for some, but quite difficult for those who have yet to discover that when you realize true and long-lasting change only comes from within, you will no longer find yourself frustrated when people don’t do what you want, when you want, and how you want.  You will learn to see the beauty in those around you, and you will realize yourself that you are beautiful just for being you – unapologetically.

Stay authentic,

xoxo,

Emma J.

your favorite therapist

Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

The truth is, no one wants to set boundaries because it’s a tough pill to swallow if someone feels you are not worth staying within them.  No one wants to be rejected, no one wants to be told that their boundaries are “too much.” It’s much easier to allow people to push the limit and hope they will see your worth before it’s too late.  Unfortunately, for some, that day never comes.

Those individuals who allowed their boundaries to lean a little to the left, realize it’s too hard to change the game in the 9th inning.  Sometimes it’s too hard to change, sometimes it’s too hard to enforce. Knowing that you have to wake up, suit up in a level of armor to protect you from those who you never protected yourself from in the beginning can just be “too much” but not if you know your worth.

If you know your worth, you know that almost everyone pushes the limit a time or two, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them keep pushing.  If you know your worth, you know when to demand respect and when to pay attention to the signs that someone may not ever respect you, no matter how much you try to demand it.  If you know your worth, you realize that you can’t change anyone, but you can change who you are around and who you let in your life.

It is important that you realize that knowing your worth can save your life, keep you safe, and reduce the amount of bullsh*t that you bring and allow to stay in your life.  If you don’t know what you are worth, take a look around you and ask yourself what you entertain on a daily basis, and what entertains you.  There is a difference.  Figure it out, and remember when you figure out what you are worth, you won’t settle for anything less than that.

xoxoxo

Emma J. Wallace, M.Ed.

Your favorite therapist

It’s Easy To Say This, What Is Not So Easy is To Do This….

Easy, Effort, they both start with E’s and they both are very opposite from one another.  I have told myself that I want something, but am I really willing to put the effort in? My cousin made a post today that made me reflect on this, and after 3 hours of therapy, I walked out feeling that same empty feeling again.  We want our lives to be different so bad, but sadly many times we just don’t know how much it will change because we weren’t willing to put the effort in just to see the results that could come from it. 

Results are never guaranteed, and in this Western society we do too many things off results and nothing else – we won’t work out unless we are guaranteed a certain number of calories lost.  We don’t want to try something new unless we know we will succeed.  Leaving us to live in a society that is limitless, but imprisoning ourselves in our own limiting minds.  

What if we decided for once, who cares about the payoff – let me just be consistent, let me put in the effort and let’s just see what happens.  But, how difficult this theory is, especially those who feel like they are racing against the clock.  The clock of bills, life, age, and biology all working against us with every minute that passes .

Truth be told, we will all die, but if we die we can at least leave a legacy that will always be alive.  This legacy will most likely say one or two things,  they tried their best, or didn’t try at all because they feared not having the perfect outcome.  Which legacy do you want to leave behind?

For me, I know which one I THINK i want to leave behind, the one that would be NICE to leave behind, but that means that I have to put in the effort to be able to leave it behind, and is it worth all that? Most definitely!

So, today  – what have you been saying that you wanted to do, to have, or to be but when reality set in you just weren’t willing to put in the effort to achieve it – and why not?  Will you regret it 10 years from now, or will you take each minute of you day and do something that you will appreciate later? 

Leave me your thoughts and comments!

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