Monthly Archives: April 2015

Authenticity 101

Being authentic is something that has really taken on a new level of importance in my life.  I see how one functions when they are truly authentic, and how one feels deprived, depressed, and anxious when they are not.  However, learning how to be authentic can be difficult for those who grew up feeling as if they were never enough or never appreciated for who they were and the natural gifts they’ve brought to the table.

However, being authentic takes work, it takes courage, and it takes a level of fearlessness that many of us just don’t have.  It takes work to show up and choose to honor your inner spirit and desires that help you push past those upper limit issues that sabotage so many of us.  It takes courage to be yourself, even when being yourself is unacceptable to some. It takes fearlessness, to say – I know that I may not be able to make everyone happy, but I know that I can’t live two or three or more lives just to please everyone.

You get multiple chances each day to show up in your Authentic Apparel, however many of us miss those opportunities out of fear that we are going to be rejected, laughed at, ridiculed, or judged.  But the funny thing is, those things are going to happen to you anyway, being authentic or not, you may just not be aware of them because you are so focused on pleasing someone else.

Being authentic, means that you are unapologetic about how you were made, and the experiences that make up who you are as an individual.  You may turn off other people, but thats ok – those aren’t the people you need to reach – let someone else reach them.  Being authentic means you don’t try to change others to fit in your box, as you have chosen not to fit neatly in others’ boxes.  It means to accept others as you accept yourself – and that is where things become sticky for some.

Sadly, accepting yourself can be interrupted by your parents, authority figures, and the media.  Accepting yourself can be interrupted by wishing you were someone else constantly. Accepting yourself can also mean that you accept you don’t know it all, are willing to grow and admit that you didn’t always know the best or right thing to do at the moment, but you were willing to learn and be flexible.

Accepting yourself teaches you how to accept others.  If you have ever wanted someone to change so badly, that it made you want to pull you hair out, you may need to examine the level of acceptance you have for yourself.  It is easy to want others to change when you have changed yourself for others too often.  It is easy to question why they haven’t changed for you, when you have spent too many minutes of your own life bending over and changing for them.  However, questioning why someone won’t change and wishing they could be someone different not only can cause you an unnecessary amount of grief and frustration, but it takes energy from your own acceptance and transformation.

A simple lesson in Authenticity is this, if you can love yourself enough to love someone else, you can love yourself enough not to change someone else.  This is easy for some, but quite difficult for those who have yet to discover that when you realize true and long-lasting change only comes from within, you will no longer find yourself frustrated when people don’t do what you want, when you want, and how you want.  You will learn to see the beauty in those around you, and you will realize yourself that you are beautiful just for being you – unapologetically.

Stay authentic,

xoxo,

Emma J.

your favorite therapist

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Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

The truth is, no one wants to set boundaries because it’s a tough pill to swallow if someone feels you are not worth staying within them.  No one wants to be rejected, no one wants to be told that their boundaries are “too much.” It’s much easier to allow people to push the limit and hope they will see your worth before it’s too late.  Unfortunately, for some, that day never comes.

Those individuals who allowed their boundaries to lean a little to the left, realize it’s too hard to change the game in the 9th inning.  Sometimes it’s too hard to change, sometimes it’s too hard to enforce. Knowing that you have to wake up, suit up in a level of armor to protect you from those who you never protected yourself from in the beginning can just be “too much” but not if you know your worth.

If you know your worth, you know that almost everyone pushes the limit a time or two, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them keep pushing.  If you know your worth, you know when to demand respect and when to pay attention to the signs that someone may not ever respect you, no matter how much you try to demand it.  If you know your worth, you realize that you can’t change anyone, but you can change who you are around and who you let in your life.

It is important that you realize that knowing your worth can save your life, keep you safe, and reduce the amount of bullsh*t that you bring and allow to stay in your life.  If you don’t know what you are worth, take a look around you and ask yourself what you entertain on a daily basis, and what entertains you.  There is a difference.  Figure it out, and remember when you figure out what you are worth, you won’t settle for anything less than that.

xoxoxo

Emma J. Wallace, M.Ed.

Your favorite therapist